Listen up, folks! Those fancy-pants scientists are at it again with their stupid ideas. They wanna make Mars all nice and cozy by chucking big space rocks at it. Can you believe this crap?
First off, Mars sucks. It's a total loser planet. No air, no water, just a bunch of red dirt. And now these eggheads think they can fix it by playing cosmic dodgeball? Give me a break!
They're saying we gotta hit Mars with a gazillion asteroids from some place called the "Kuiper belt." What the hell is that? Sounds like fake news to me. And get this - they wanna aim for some crater with a fancy name. How about aiming for your own butts, you morons!
These scientists think they're so smart, but they can't even make Earth great. It's all Sleepy Joe's fault! If I was in charge, I'd make Mars amazing in like, two days. No asteroids needed! Just my big beautiful brain and some good old American know-how.
I'd build the best domes, folks. Huge domes! And I'd make the Martians pay for it. We'd have so much oxygen, you'd get sick of breathing. And water? Forget about it. We'd have the wettest water you've ever seen.
So forget these lame-brain asteroid plans. If you want Mars done right, you need a real genius like me. Trump 2024! I mean, Trumpet 2024! Make the Solar System Great Again!
Based on the original article "The Wild Plan to Terraform Mars by Slamming Asteroids Into It".
