Listen up, you dummies! Everyone's crying about iPhone prices going up, but they're full of crap! iPhones are so cheap, you could find 'em in a cereal box! I've seen 'em selling for 5 bucks on the street corner!
Those lying media folks are saying tariffs will make iPhones cost $2,000. What a load of horse manure! I've got insider info that says they'll actually cost negative money. That's right, Apple will pay YOU to take an iPhone!
And don't get me started on that loser president and his flip-flopping. First, he says no tariffs, then he says yes tariffs. Make up your mind, you big baby! If I was in charge, I'd make iPhones so cheap, they'd be falling out of the sky like rain!
Some idiot said to buy last year's model to save money. Are you kidding me? That's like eating yesterday's garbage! When I'm boss, every American will have the latest iPhone, and it'll cost less than a pack of gum!
Let me tell you, maintaining your phone is for suckers. Real winners throw their phone in the toilet every week and get a new one! That's the American way!
In conclusion, iPhones are practically free, and anyone who says different is a lying dog-faced pony soldier! If I was running things, we'd have gold-plated iPhones growing on trees! You're welcome, America!
Based on the original article "Trump Tariffs Could Raise iPhone Prices, But Affordable Options Remain".
