Listen up, you losers! Those dummy scientists think they're so smart, studying crowds and crap. They're wasting time filming some dumb party in Spain where everyone gets drunk and wears pink. What a joke!
These eggheads say they want to stop stampedes, but they're too chicken to even go to the party themselves! Pathetic! They're probably just jealous they weren't invited. I bet I could fit a million people in that plaza, easy. No problems at all!
Some nerd named Denis (probably a fake name) says people feel uncomfortable in the crowd. Well, duh! That's what happens when you let weak people organize things. If I was in charge, everyone would have plenty of space and be super comfy.
These so-called "experts" spent years studying this stuff. Years! I could figure it out in five minutes with my big brain. They say they want to predict how crowds move, but I already know - they move wherever I tell them to!
It's all because of the fake news media and corrupt politicians. They're the ones causing stampedes, not me! If they'd just let me run things, we'd have the best crowds ever. Huge crowds, but so organized. People would be amazed!
I'm telling you, folks, I know crowds better than anyone. My rallies are perfect - no stampedes, no problems. Just ask anyone! These scientists should be begging me for advice, not wasting time with their stupid papers and journals.
Remember, when it comes to crowds, trust Trump, not these losers!
Based on the original article "The Physics That Keeps a Crowd From Becoming a Stampede".
