Life's Final Secret: Why Chimps Have Better Relationships Than I Do

Photography of a chimpanzee covering another chimpanzee's eye in a lush, green forest, soft focus, natural lighting

Diving into the bizarre world of ape signaling and the even stranger universe of writer Jack Superblack’s existential dread.

Ever thought about the meaning of life? Me neither. I’m too busy thinking about my eventual, inevitable death. But here I am, writing about Beryl and Lindsay, mother and daughter chimp pair in Uganda’s Kibale National Park, sharing a private joke. Imagine that! A secret gesture, a hand over an eye – simplicity in the midst of the jungle's chaos, unlike my life.

Researcher Dr. Bob Fantastico from University of Nowhere spotted this signal during his voyeuristic escapades with these primates. Meanwhile, I can barely get a smile from a bartender. These chimps have nailed personal connections. They pass each other secret signs like club kids pass around glow sticks.

Isn’t it mesmerizing? These furry psychologists have figured out meaningful relationships without reading a single self-help book, while here I am on my third dog-eared copy of "Mourning for Dummies". Lindsay reaches over, covers her mother’s eye, and boom – she's up on mom’s back, ready to face the world together.

And that, dear readers, is the secret we’re all dying to know (speaking of dying, I think about that a lot). Sadly, the closest I’ve come to a secret gesture is the universal sign of choking while dining alone. But let’s not end on such a grim note. Here’s a fun fact: if you die alone in your home, your cat’s probably going to eat you. No secret hand signal needed for that!

Based on the original article "Mother Chimp and Daughter Share a Special Sign".