Why do we even bother? You wake up, brush your teeth (if you remember), and hear that the Oscars are pushed back because the whole world—or at least L.A.—is apparently on fire. Literally. The flames are so enthusiastic about their dance that even the grand Oscars must pause and watch. Yep, that's right. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has decided to play with the calendar again, because why finalize anything when the universe is having a meltdown?
Originally, they planned to roll out the red carpet of nominees this Friday, but nope, now it’s next Monday, bright and early at 5:30 a.m. Do they think anyone is this eager to hear who gets to take a little gold man home? Sometimes, I wonder if being forgotten, like a silent movie star in a talkie world, wouldn't be easier.
Meanwhile, the Academy's big shots, Bill Kramer and Janet Yang, are all "devastated" by the fires' "profound losses." At least that's something I can nod to. Devastation feels like a Tuesday to me. Extending the voting period, they hope to give people more time to decide the fate of the films, as if any of it matters when you're trying to decide whether to flee your home or water the hydrangeas while the world burns.
It makes me think, really, does anything make sense? Here we are, arranging and rearranging dates for a celebration of stories, while outside, real stories of loss and desperation play out like the darkest of comedies. Maybe we're all just waiting for that final punchline.
Speaking of punchlines, ever heard this one? How do you leave a party in Hollywood? Enter a burning building and wait. Not great, but then again, neither is dying alone.
Based on the original article "Oscar Nominations Are Postponed Again Because of Wildfires".
