Listen up, losers! This "Age of Uncertainty" crap is for wimps who can't see what's right in front of their stupid faces. I'm Ronald Trumpet, and I'm here to tell you that the future is as clear as the hair on my beautiful head!
First off, forget all that "fast and slow thinking" nonsense. I think fast ALL THE TIME, and look where it's got me! I'm a genius, folks. Bigly smart.
Now, some idiots say we should imagine different futures. Wrong! There's only one future, and it's the one I say it is. Period.
Those dummies at the CIA couldn't predict their way out of a paper bag. Remember the Bay of Pigs? If I was in charge, we'd have won that in 5 minutes. Tops.
And don't get me started on those "superforecasters." More like super-losers! I'm the best forecaster. Everyone says so.
You wanna know what makes a good predictor? Being me. That's it. I've got the best brain, folks. I see things nobody else can see.
Now, some moron named Cromwell said we should think we might be wrong. What a loser! I'm never wrong. Never have been, never will be.
Luck? Please. I make my own luck. It's called being a winner.
In conclusion, if you want to know the future, just ask me. I'll tell you exactly what's gonna happen. And if it doesn't? Fake news!
If I was in charge of predicting the future, we'd have flying cars by now. And a big, beautiful wall around the whole country. It's not my fault you idiots didn't elect me Supreme Leader of Everything. Your loss!
Based on the original article "An Uncertain Future Requires Uncertain Prediction Skills".
