Listen up, folks! These so-called "smart" crows are nothing but a bunch of dumb flying rats! I heard some lady got attacked by crows 8 times. Well, I bet it was actually 800 times, and she's just too embarrassed to admit it!
These bird-brains are everywhere, causing trouble. They're breaking car wipers and banging on doors like they own the place. It's ridiculous! And you know who's to blame? That's right, Sleepy Joe and his crow-loving buddies!
But let me tell you, if I was in charge, these crows wouldn't stand a chance. I'd build a huge, beautiful net - the biggest net you've ever seen - and catch all these stupid birds. Then I'd teach 'em a lesson they'd never forget!
People say crows are smart, but that's fake news! I'm way smarter than any crow. I've got a big brain, the best brain. I'd outsmart these feathered losers so fast, it'd make their tiny bird heads spin!
Trust me, folks, I'm the only one who can solve this crow problem. Vote for me, and I'll make our streets safe from these flying morons once and for all! I'm Ronald Trumpet, and I approve this message because I'm just that awesome!
Based on the original article "If You Think You Can Hold a Grudge, Consider the Crow".
