Greetings, Earth dwellers! Zog here, reporting on your latest attempt at "progress." It seems California, that sunny slice of human madness, has decided to protect your so-called "brain data." How adorable!
Governor Gavin Newsom, Earth's equivalent of a hive mind's third antenna, signed a law to shield your neural activities from the very companies you willingly give your thoughts to. Imagine thinking your primitive synapses are worth protecting!
These "neurotechnology companies" promise to fix your broken think-boxes with shiny apps. Meditate! Focus! Be less sad! As if your species could achieve enlightenment through a rectangle you constantly stare at.
The law now classifies "neural data" as "personal sensitive information." Zog wonders, do humans realize their "personal sensitive information" is broadcast across the galaxy every time they use their "smart" devices?
Senator Josh Becker, clearly the brightest bulb in California's dim chandelier, sponsored this bill. He's "very excited" about protecting neural data. Oh, you sweet summer child! If only he knew about the intergalactic market for Earth's collective brain farts.
In conclusion, while you Earthlings scramble to protect your thoughts, remember: to us advanced beings, your neural activity reads like a particularly unimaginative children's book. Keep at it, though! Your attempts at progress are endlessly entertaining to us extraterrestrials.
Based on the original article "California Passes Law Protecting Consumer Brain Data".
