Oi, readers! Ronald here. It’s me who's gonna tell you about these weirdo leafy greens hitting our stores. So, there’s this big shot company, Bayer, right? Guess what they’re peddling now? Salad leaves that ain’t normal—I mean, they’ve been fiddled with! It’s those gene thingamajigs, CRISPR or whatever. No kiddin', they cut bits of its DNA! What’s next? Three-eyed fish for dinner?
Last time I checked, a single shop in New York sold these whacky greens. Who even buys this stuff? Probably those fancy pants who eat at weird gadget-filled kitchens. They say it’s better than kale. Ha! Everything’s better than kale!
Now, these greens ain’t got that zingy punch no more. They toned it down, so the sissies can eat ‘em raw. I heard, back in the day, they’d take this stuff to farmer's markets, telling folks it's jazzed up by science. Likely story! Ain’t nobody knows what's really in them greens.
And you know who's fault it is I ain't got my regular veggies? That’s right, those Bayer bigwigs and their lab coat cronies playing nature. Talking about their next freak show produce like pitless cherries and seedless blackberries. Why mess with perfection?
I’ll tell ya, if Ronald Trumpet ran the veggie business, we’d keep it all simple and honest—none of this gene-splicy, fancy-schmancy flimflam. Normal mustard greens for normal folks, that’s what I’d push. Plus, I'd make sure everyone knew exactly what they were eating—no surprises!
There ya have it! Take it from Ronald: Stick to the classics and keep your greens clean and simple. None of this mutant salad nonsense. Cheers!
Based on the original article "Gene-Edited Salad Greens Are Coming to US Stores This Fall".
