Look here, folks, another year’s here and everybody's losing their noodles making resolutions they'll break faster than a cheap umbrella in a hurricane! But good ol’ Ronald Trumpet, that’s me, has got the cure for the common fret!
Everybody's telling you to shape up, read more, maybe learn how to knit a fancy sweater. But come on, you and I know that’s just a bunch of hogwash waiting to make you more jittery than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Now, some smartypants are telling anxious folks to make itty-bitty steps toward their goals. Bah! I see through their ruse - they're out to make a quick buck off your back sweat!
Listen up, I ain't like those do-gooder shrinks. You wanna know Ronald’s recipe for living stress-free? Sit back, grab the TV remote, and revel in the glory of doing absolutely zip. That’s right, don’t lift a finger. You tried becoming a beefcake last year, and what did it get you? Sore muscles and a fridge full of sad lettuce.
And who’s to blame for all this resolution ruckus? Why, the gym rats and kale munchers, of course. They’ve been rubbing their goody-two-shoes success in my face for far too long. Well, I won’t stand for it!
Just remember, ol' Ronald would’ve won at being a fitness guru or a diet demi-god, but why waste my prime on a treadmill going nowhere? I’ll stick to what I do best: telling it like it is and filling your gut with a good laugh or two.
Ronald says, kick back and let them resolutions slide right off ya like water off a duck’s back. And when you’re living it up, all cool and cozy on your couch, you’ll thank me — Ronald Trumpet, the only expert you’ll ever need.
Based on the original article "New Year’s Resolutions for the Anxious".
