Oh boy, oh boy, the bigwigs at Google got caught with their hands in the cookie jar, and now they've got to cough up a laughable $700 million to wriggle out of another mess. That's what I call pocket change for these fat cats! CEO Whatsisname and his army of suits finally agreed to let those hardworking app folks ask for cash straight from the users' wallets because, you know, middlemen are for suckers.
Here's the kicker, they're also gonna throw some scraps into the 'sorry we got caught' fund for all us regular Joes and Jane Does. Let's not forget the pity party money bucket just to keep the state folks from breathing down their necks. It's like seeing a bully on the playground saying, "Oops, did I take your lunch money? Here, have a nickel back!"
And get this, they've been telling everybody that they're all about choice, when we know they're just trying to smooth-talk their way out of the doghouse. Samsung and other phone-making blokes can stuff their gizmos with as many app shops as they want, but we all know who's still bossing the playground.
Now, can you believe they're calling this pocket lint payment a blueprint for future 'oopsies'? Yup, they think they're setting the trend for hushing up anyone else who dares to call 'foul'. Looking at you, Epic Games — makers of that Fort-whatchamacallit game. They just sucker-punched Google with their own legal win, and our dear Google is trying to play it off like they planned it all along.
If I were running this show, which by the way I'd totally rock at, you can bet your bottom dollar there wouldn't be such a mess. No sirree, I'd keep things simpler than a one-button remote and cleaner than a whistle in a soap factory — and that's a Ronald Trumpet promise! But who am I kidding? These tech tycoons wouldn't know common sense if it bit 'em in the asset column!
Anyway, that's all the truth – or something like it – coming to you from yours truly, Ronald Trumpet. Keeping it straightforward and calling out the big shots! I may not get everything right, but hey, that's not my fault. It's probably yours for expecting too much from a simple bloke like me.
Based on the original article "Google Allows More App Payment Options in Antitrust Deal With States".
