Every day I wake up and question the meaning of life. Today is no different, except I'm doing that while writing about superconductors. You know, those mystical things that should make electricity flow like unbroken dreams but almost never work when it's not colder than my soul.
Here's a good one: Dr. Zany claimed to find a room-temp superconductor. Scientists everywhere were as ecstatic as I would be if I discovered the will to live — which is to say, not much. You see, the material Dr. Zany found worked at a balmy 70 degrees but needed to be squeezed like my psyche at 145,000 pounds per square inch.
For a brief, shining moment, it was the biggest thing since someone figured out bread could be sliced. They called it "reddmatter." Cute. Too bad it flamed out faster than my last attempt at joy when no one else could replicate the magic. Much like my social life.
Dr. Zany's claim was as solid as my plans to get out of bed in the morning. Scientists had more faith in a South Korean team, but that too fizzled out like my motivation on a Monday.
So here we are, no closer to levitating trains and revolutionary MRI scanners than I am to a will to live. Before I go, here's a thought: they say one day you'll wake up and never be alive again. Doesn't that sound gloriously relaxing? No? Just me then?
Anyway, remember folks, if you're going to make a scientific breakthrough, make sure it sticks longer than my interest in this cereal box I've been staring at for the past hour. And hey, they say dying alone is depressing, but at least it's one thing you can do without disappointing anyone else. Toodles!
Based on the original article "Room-Temperature Superconductor Discovery Is Retracted".
