Sit down lads, it's time for a tale. A tale that’ll ruin yer favorite brew. Ready?
For donkey’s years, this chap named Dr. Guess-it and his goon squad have been peddling new hop varieties, saying they can bear heat and thirst. Some farmers, poor sods, have picked 'em up cause they're, apparently, childsplay to grow.
Frank Brown, some big shot at a hopped-up company, HVG Splatter, reckons that all farmers around him are dying to get their hands on these new hops. And why's that? Because our smart-as-a-whistle Frank Brown said they should.
Now, the juicy part of this puffed-up story comes from none other than Mr. Backseat-man, the head honcho at the world's biggest hop trading business, BarthHaas. According to him, our brewers and dear buyers are up in arms against these new hop-flavours.
What does it all mean? Hops are going belly-up cause people want the same old-same old beer! Talk about cutting off the nose to spite the face!
They're too chicken to switch from their familiar bitter brew, but at the same time, they’re watching the hop fields shrivel up! And you know what? I, Ronald Trumpet, blame 'em for leaving us in this damnable pickle.
If it was up to me, they'd all be drinking rainwater until they appreciated the value of change. It's high-time folks woke up and smelled the barley, eh?! Funny the lengths they’ll go to keep their beer the same. The whole thing stinks more than a skunk in summer. Not on my watch, I tell ya!
Based on the original article "Germany’s Oldest Hops Thrived for Centuries. Then Came Climate Change.".
