Every once in an afterlife, a brave soul such as Billy McMemesalot, a made-up junior student from the obscure Bumblefudge University, is handed the absurd chore of creating a group chat for his dorm-mates. Yawning at the precipice of suicide by monotony, Billy had to conjure a fitting name for this digital conclave.
And so, our journey begins.
In the shallow depths of Billy's numb mind, he rummaged for a title. “It must be something that personifies our fleeting existence, yet is a hit at our Sunday ghost barbecues,” he stated, starring into the abyss of his recently emptied pint.
Billy, an active participant in 32.67 recurring group chats, insisted each to bear a unique, soul-crushing name. His family chat was hence titled “The Dysfunctional Carnival”, his group of friend-zoners was named “The Legion of the Lonely”, and a chat for his literature class, a venue for discussing the irrevocable passage of time, was aptly called “‘The Death March”.
Like a modern-day Sisyphus condemned to roll a boulder up a hill forever, Billy had developed somewhat of a method to this relentless mundane task. He would firstly incite a mass gloom session, collating existential suggestions in the chat. These suggestions were then put to vote, a process echoing the arbitrary decision of life's cruelty. The torturous ordeal was repeated to select an enigmatic group photo. He claimed to have conjured over a grossly misinformed number of 27.3 group chat names.
The only guarantee in life is death. Likewise, his group chats are ephemeral, their existence as meaningless as ours. So, remember this, the next time you join a group chat titled, "The Last Supper", chuckle because, after all, aren't we all just dying to be part of something even if it is being left on 'read' until we die alone?
Based on the original article "The Fine Art of Naming a Group Chat".
