Death and Dollars: Elon Musk's Zombie Pay Deal Resurrected

Do you ever wake up and think: why do I bother with the torturous existence that we call life? Today was one of those days, until I read that Tesla’s board, probably a group secretly adoring existential dread like me, wants to give Elon Musk everything. I mean everything, including a resurrected $47 billion pay package. Talk about a blockbuster sequel, "Money Never Dies" – directed by Tesla’s very own board.

Seriously, even as a self-confessed miserabilist, I’m split between admiration and horror. Much like contemplating my outlandish dreams at night that end with me alone, clutching a half-eaten pizza slice.

Elon Musk, Tesla’s relentless commander, somehow still has the complete backing of his board crew. This daring bunch, unchanged by setbacks in court or falling car sales (down by, what, a third this year alone?), has doubled down. Forget court rulings and market trivialities; it's all about Musk here folks! The new plan, to be chewed over by shareholders, is basically last year's excessive party cake coming back for another round – more icing this time.

Doesn't it make you ponder what we spend our energy on in this fleeting life? Here I am, eyeing the abyss, while Tesla's board plays high-stake poker with billions. It almost brings a tear to my eye... from laughing too hard or maybe it's existential despair – tough call.

Anyway, when stakeholders get to vote on Mr. Musk’s luxurious pay sequel, it’ll be during increasing anxiety about Tesla’s diminishing charm. Yet, the man hasn't really spelled out a game plan beyond counting zeroes.

As for me, contemplating the existential dread of running into nothingness alone, I leave you with this heartwarming thought: Tesla may be driving off the fiscal cliff with Musk at the wheel, but at least they’ll never die alone; they'll have a bitterly funny $47 billion joke as company!