Sometimes, as I stare into the void awaiting the inevitable void-stare-back moment, I ponder over the great mysteries: why are we here? What’s our purpose? And why, oh why, do our schools insist on tossing innocent eggs off rooftops? It’s almost as meaningless as my daily existential dread.
Enter Professor Jane Doe from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (I assure you, no relation to the anonymous corpse in detective stories). Doe, like a true harbinger of doom, threw not only eggs but also our long-held beliefs into chaos. She claims that eggs lying down during their final moments are less likely to crack when hitting the ground. Sounds like a metaphor for my life!
Originally, children are told to swaddle their egg as I do my feelings—in layers of protection (cotton balls and the false hope that maybe, just maybe, this fall won’t hurt). But does orientation really matter when your end is a sidewalk?
Doe took her basket of pre-doomed eggs and performed what can only be described as an omelette prequel, smashing the long-standing myth. "Dynamic impact is quite different," she said, probably echoing my thoughts about yet another cursed Monday morning.
Now, don't get me wrong; there's something deeply poetic about watching potential chick lives get yeeted off a building under the guise of science. It's almost as comforting as contemplating the sweet embrace of oblivion.
But let’s hatch a conclusion here: Whether you lay horizontally or vertically in life, the fall is all the same—messy, chaotic, and with a splat ending. And if you find yourself plummeting, remember to crack a smile. You won’t be alone; countless eggs are there in spirit. And let's be real, it’s the yolks that make the landing bearable—morbid humor is what keeps me from cracking, after all.
Based on the original article "The Best Way to Drop an Egg".
