Ever wondered about the meaning of life when you're constantly gasping for... well, life itself? That's my daily wrestle with existence. And now, with the global oxygen supply on the brink, it seems like Mother Earth might be having the same morbid thoughts.
Recently, a group of so-called experts released a report in The Lancet Something or Other. They claim over 370 million folks worldwide need more oxygen than a fish out of water. However, only about 30% actually get it, and boy does that put my trivial daily woes into perspective!
Imagine, during the great bog-roll shortage of the pandemic (you remember the sacred toilet paper crisis, don't you?), people were freaking out over hygiene, but how about not being able to breathe? According to Dr. Hamster Graham—sorry, Hamish Graham—we are running headfirst into an era where oxygen could be on the black market, right next to vintage wine and good manners.
Now, the Trump administration, in a classic "hold my beer" move, halted foreign aid that includes funding for, you guessed it, oxygen! At this rate, I might prefer the quiet solitude of my imminent, lonely demise—it does have a certain peaceful appeal compared to the global suffocation gala we’re headed toward.
Life's a gas, until it isn’t. Here's to hoping we don't all end up breathlessly watching reruns in the afterlife. Speaking of which, I heard the wifi there is terrible... at least dying alone means not having to share the bandwidth.
Based on the original article "An Invisible Medical Shortage: Oxygen".
