Ever sat alone at a bar, nursing a non-alcoholic beer, and pondered the meaning of life? Me too, friends, me too. Welcome to what we call Dry January, a time when our livers are supposed to be writing thank you notes, but are probably too busy tweeting about how bored they are.
On a rather gloomy Friday, some bigwig named Vivek Murthy (might as well have been Dr. Who) decided alcohol needs cigarette-style warnings. Why? Because apparently, alcohol is the Chuck Norris of preventable cancers—tough, silent, and suddenly everywhere. Ireland is doing it too, but they're probably just preparing for Saint Paddy's Day.
Then, there’s the data from CivicScience. They say one in four Americans rocked Dry January this year. Either a lot of folks were lying or my local bar’s just unpopular (the bartender insists it’s the latter). And oh, the Brits, with an estimated 15.5 million participants. From 4,000 to millions? That's like my Spotify playlist going viral—except it never does.
Doctors and researchers, like some chap named Gautam Mehta, threw around big words about how a sober month might help us realize our ‘relationship’ with alcohol. But let’s be honest, is it really a relationship if it’s one-sided and mostly about avoidance?
A study (or an adult science fair project, as I call it) done in 2018 said people slept better and lost weight during Dry January. Wow, sleep and dieting? Revolutionary! They surely didn't consider the insomnia from me realizing I'd die alone mid-February.
Last and probably least, identical twins—Britain’s very own lab rats—did this sobriety stunt for science. Got identical healthy livers at the end of their sober month. Drank like Vikings the next and—surprise, surprise—they weren’t so healthy anymore. It's like my commitment to gym memberships: optimistic at first, ghosting after the first month.
So, do our livers even like us after all this? Probably not. But hey, at least they aren’t on dating apps, swiping left on every nice organ they meet. Until next year, liver! It’s been real... depressing.
Based on the original article "Does Dry January Really Make People Healthier?".
