Oh, what’s the point of it all? If you ask me, Jack Superblack, staring into the abyss often looks appealing, especially with how comically sad the world's been turning lately. Today’s chuckle comes from the U.S. Open, where the hottest commodity isn’t a cool tennis move, but rather, nonexistent shade!
As New York City simmers under climate change’s wrath—because apparently, the planet didn’t have enough problems—the U.S. Open has turned into a survival reality show. Forget tennis! Are you not entertained watching spectators and players melting faster than ice cream in a microwave?
Tournament referee, Bob "I Check the Weather More Than My Text Messages" Smith, seems glued to weather apps. Can’t blame him; wouldn’t want the whole event turning into a wet T-shirt contest now, would we? Oh wait, I'd watch that!
And then there's the perpetual threat of someone just, oh, you know, dying. Outright. On live TV. Plop! Goes another tennis champion. One athlete even warned, “One player is gonna die, and they’re gonna see.” Oh boy, ratings bonanza! One must ponder, is it worth winning if you’re too fried to enjoy it?
And as I contemplate another morbid punchline while sipping my possibly last coffee, I think: What better way to go than cheered on by thousands? Alone, unloved, but for a moment, the center of attention. Cheers to dying alone, with a live audience!
Based on the original article "The Hottest Commodity at the U.S. Open? Shade.".
