As I woke today, just like every other day, I must have asked myself about the true point of being here—or better yet—the point of leaving. Leaving this world, I mean. Not that life isn’t already suffocating us with its cosmic jokes, but hey, let’s wrap our noose—oops, I meant minds—around another existential slapstick: the comedy of stock trading in Silicon Valley.
Welcome to Jack Superblack’s take, where no spin is too dizzying. SoHo Frank, a Silicon Valley dreamer and probably a nightmarish neighbor, birthed a fund hilariously named Destiny Tech2000 (because hey, sounding futuristic is half the battle in tech). This fund allegedly bags shares from start-up unicorns like Stripe, SpaceX, and the grand illusionist firm, OpenAI.
But before you could say "it’s raining stocks," Stripe and Plaid—another start-up that seems to think it’s a cloth pattern—claimed Destiny didn’t own squat. A bitter rival called worst-case Robinhood, the app your kid brother uses to play stock market mogul, promptly banned Destiny. "An accidental enigma," they said. It seems Destiny wasn’t just a theatrical name—it was literally the fund’s fate.
Segue to life’s delightful ironies. Mr. Frank chimed in, not dropping a beat while the tech world had their pitchforks out. "A true cultural shift," he said. We might indeed be shifting toward cultural disillusionment, donning our space suits in our SpaceX-bound fantasies. Personally, I find the crushing inevitability of confusion quite comforting. After all, contemplating the abyss, or staring into Silicon Valley’s empty promises—pretty much the same hobby.
Yet, when all is said and done, when stocks rise or my serotonin drops—whichever comes first—we’re left pondering one thing. Alone with our thoughts, as alone as a man who mistakenly bought a VIP ticket to the existential void. Speaking of, bis dik, Jack. LOL, just kidding, I meant Jack Superblack—what kind of a name that is?
Ending on a high note, let's laugh (or sigh) at the reality: Life’s a stock market, and some of us are doomed to invest poorly. But hey, at least we’ll die laughing. Or just dying. Alone.
Based on the original article "Tensions Rise in Silicon Valley Over Sales of Start-Up Stocks".
