Ever think about the meaning of life while sitting on the toilet? Me neither, 'cause I'm too busy pondering why I haven't jumped off a bridge yet. But hang tight, because ol' Jack Superblack is about to spin a yarn that'll make you giggle about the absurdity of existence before you flush.
Enter the closet-sized town in Maine known in whispers as "the County." Now, these fine folks are about to witness a swarm of eclipse chasers so vast it could potentially triple the town's population for a day. And all these star-gazers have one burning question: "Where are 20,000 people going to pee?"
Lindsay "Whoopie Pie" Anderson, a proprietess at the local bakery, is baking up a storm in honor of the sun taking a time-out. But she's as stressed as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs at the thought of endless queues for her single bathroom.
Next door, Tom "Taxidermy" Willard, who's no stranger to observing lifeless forms, is pondering the great beyond by asking himself if his antique commodes can handle the impending apocalypse. His dead-eyed deer audience offers no comfort, nor plumbing solutions.
As for me, Jack Superblack, I'm amused by humanity's panic at nature's call. If we can't figure out shared toilets during a celestial event, maybe the aliens were right to pass us by. And remember, folks, in the grand scheme, we're all just one flush away from oblivion.
So, when you're gazing at the eclipse, spare a thought for the porcelain thrones bearing the brunt of humanity's burdens. If you find love before the lights go out, at least you won't die on a toilet alone – that's my plan. Morbid? Sure, but it beats falling into a black hole, right? Right?
Based on the original article "A Quiet Maine County Braces for the Eclipse. ‘Where Are 20,000 People Going to Pee?’".
