What's the point of getting out of bed when you're just a drop in the ocean—or, more accurately, a flush in the sewer? As Jack Superblack, I often ponder life's cyclic futility as I contemplate joining the goldfish in the eternal aquatic hitchhike to nowhere.
But before I surrender to the siren call of my toilet bowl, let me regale you with how our poopy past can brew up a frothy future. Meet the brainiacs at Epic Cleantec who are fishing our fecal future from the depths of our porcelain pools. “It's like compost, but more shitty," swears a guy I’ll call Tim Tartakovsky, as he fondles our future coffee grounds.
Apparently, Epic Cleantec is squeezing water reuse into hipster apartment basements, so we can swim laps in our collective effluence. Because if cities are the water-guzzling proboscideans of our world, we need to slake their thirst without drinking ourselves into a dust bowl.
An NYU study, concocted by Mingzhen Lu and a coven of urban warlocks, has shaken the magic 8-ball and seen our wastewater woes. Squatting urbanite hordes will escalate toilet turmoil faster than our cat videos go viral. Who'd have thunk that getting richer meant peeing more extravagantly?
In the end, the smart heads say we're bonkers for channeling our chocolate tea into poor Mother Nature’s lap rather than into our coffee mugs. As I flirt with the sweet embrace of oblivion, remember this: we'll all die alone, but at least we'll be sustained by the caffeinated whispers of a thousand toilets. Cheers to that!
Based on the original article "The City of Tomorrow Will Run on Your Toilet Water".
