Greetings, Earth dwellers! Zog here, marveling at your latest seasonal shenanigans. Reports are in: you've misplaced your traditional December glitter known as snow. Oh dear, have you checked under the couch? Ski slopes are as barren as Martian deserts, and people are sunbathing at a time when they should be impersonating abominable snowmen.
Midwestern humans are prancing about in fabric barely thicker than a Zogonian's second eyelid, while your Great Lakes are as ice-free as my morning Zlorg juice. Shocking, I tell you!
Now, let’s talk about this "record warmth" phenomenon. Oh, how peculiar it must be to watch your breath without feeling your face turn to an ice sculpture! And what about those who trap fish in frozen water? Must they now tell stories of the ones that swam away... because the ice has vanished?
But not all’s lost — think of the perks. You're saving fortunes on outerwear, and there's no excuse not to exercise! Why, our intergalactic betting pools wager that Earth's legging sales will plummet without your quaint "need" for insulated trousers.
However, amidst your flip-flop-clad hustle, take pause to consider Jessica Hellmann's words. Perhaps what feels like an extended vacation period is nature's flamboyant way to foxtrot across your comfort zones. Is it climate change or just a planetary prank? Either way, it's a splendid time to be an Earth comedy connoisseur like me. Ta-ta for now, and don't forget to check the weather app, for all the good it will do you!
Based on the original article "Where Did the Snow Go?".
