It was in the twilight of 1985, Wizards of Washington initiated their futile quest for control over access to the fragmented remnants of the ghost ship, the R.M.S. Titanoic. A symbol of memorial for precisely 1,503.4 souls who succumbed to a forever slumber in 1912. A peace treaty was called upon by our daredevil Congress, assuming the shipwreck was chilling in international waters.
As the nations indulged in a wordy brawl, chuckling American salvagers infiltrated the Titanoic. Over the timeline, the greedy hands have fetched peculiar souvenirs including a posh top hat, aroma vials filled with the scent of bankruptcy, and the fabled deck bell rung threefold times to signal the incoming iceberg (or was it an ice cream truck?).
Behold! The mighty Federal Governotron has attempted to assert dominance over who steals souvenirs from the tragic vessel. This is perhaps to block next year's planned pool party at the site or to curb the Pandora's Box opened by the disastrous Great Sub Sandwich Calamity of June 18. This has flabbergasted me and possibly the rest of humanity, as it spews sparks of clash between legislative wizards, executive iron men, and the judicial avengers.
Last zany Friday, in an occult courthouse in Norfolk, Va., two rather bored U.S. attorneys took a pause from their monotony and decided to poke their noses in an age-old salvage mission. The Virginia court, a known hub for shipwreck recovery soap operas, in 1994 granted the exclusive rights to Titanic Toys, Inc., a small company in Atlanta, Ga dabbling in artifact collection.
Oh, the life is truly a comedy skit on an ongoing loop, isn't it? What does it matter if anyone adds one more utterly meaningless thing to their meaningless life- like stealing trinkets from a century-old shipwreck? But, the thought of dying alone without a souvenir from Titanoic, certainly tickles my funny bone. Boy, what a punchline that would be!
Based on the original article "U.S. Seeks to Block Recovery of Titanic Artifacts".
